Settled question

Redd*t: I [F27] found out my fiancé [M30] settled for me, what do I do??

I don’t normally link to Redd*t stuff, but Nicole Cliffe’s twitted this and it kind of caught my interest. The consensus seems to be that this lady should dump her fiance. I have no take on the issue: I don’t understand relationships at all, so the last thing I should do is give advice. I merely observe in horror.

The reason this thread caught my attention though, is that every woman in my family has a story about the man they should have ended up with, rather than the idiot with whom they are now currently stuck. The men, on the other hand, will only say how lucky they feel they are to be with the women they’re attached to. For a long time, I assumed this was normal. Men are lucky; women settle.

As I got older, I eventually realized just how lousy and low-quality the men in my family generally are, and how that could lead to this lopsided perception that the best a man could do was be “better than nothing” as far as relationships went. Pretty gross. Especially when you consider that most of the dudes in my family only manage to get married by either being the first guy a girl has ever seriously dated, or by being the last man standing after a woman has blown it with all of her other options.

But observing the consensus response here (which says that if your partner is “settling” for you, then they should immediately be dumped), puts my family of origin into sharp relief, and reinforces the notion that a relationship should be built only between two people who can’t imagine themselves being with anyone else. In other words, my family sucks, and I wish I’d been raised by slightly more normal people.

Settled question

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