The will ‘o the wisp

I feel like I might as well address the premise of the article I linked to in that previous post about Millennials, i.e., that eschewing sex means never experiencing intimacy.

So what? Intimacy, as described by popular culture, is a myth. While it is presented as something worth having, it is in fact akin to handing someone a knife, and then giving them a clear, unobstructed view of your back. Most people are selfish narcissists. Most people are only interested in others if those others have something that they want. Most people, then, will immediately discard anyone in their lives that no longer provide them with some sort of benefit. Which I suppose is fine, if you can provide something to someone forever, but don’t expect to be asked to stick around if you end up being bled completely dry

Any advice columnist will tell you, the key to happiness is learning to be alone with yourself. After all, whatever twists and turns and detours you take through intimacy and relationships, you’ll just end up alone anyway — so why waste your time? In your heart, you know that most relationships only lead to heartbreak anyway.

What’s so wrong about never being loved? Love is just a lot of specific chemicals in a person’s brain that will eventually fizzle out like an Alka-Seltzer. Not having the ability to temporarily alter someone else’s brain chemistry is treated like a massive failure, for some reason, and I can’t figure out why. Their are certain criticisms I am will to accept about myself (I long ago learned to accept that I am slightly less than human), but c’mon — there are lots of perfectly healthy, normal, good people who will never be intimate with anyone, and it seems really unfair to tar them all with the same brush.

Funnily enough, a lot of the criticisms aimed at those who eschew sex and intimacy have the same kind of tone you’d expect an accusation of malingering to have. No sex and no deep relationships? Get to work, you lazy-ass goldbrick. There’s probably a significant point to be made about that, but I’m tired of thinking about this shit for now.


The will ‘o the wisp

2 thoughts on “The will ‘o the wisp

  1. jenfullmoon says:

    I think people are in denial at the fact that some of us are mutants at table nine and will never find love. “Don’t give up hope! You never know!”, they always trot out, because nobody can deal with the fact that some of us aren’t going to have that because we’re unlucky or unsuitable for love. It horrifies them to think it, and they can’t deal with it, so they shovel some hope at us and hope we’ll shut up and smile and find someone on Tinder.


    1. I agree completely. I also wonder if the people who do this are a little bit scared, deepdown. If being alone is something that can happen to others, it might potentially happen to them as well, maybe?


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