Observer.com: Guys, Here’s What It’s Actually Like to Be a Woman
That piece is both eye-opening and re-affirms a great many things that I’ve believed for a long time. But it also makes me wonder… do most guys just never, ever talk to women? Outside of trying to get into their pants, I mean? About what their lives are like? Jesus. I’ve been a dude my whole life, but at this point I have to concede that I just do not understand dudes.
Given that the first part of the article is basically pleading for men to try, just for a moment, to look at the world from a women’s perspective, perhaps the issue isn’t that they’ve got no close female friends, but that they won’t listen to the ones they have. “This may be difficult — perhaps almost impossible — but try for just a brief second to imagine that a woman is a person.” (Not a direct quote, but near enough.)
Not that I’m an expert — far from it — but as hopelessly blinkered as I am, I at least grasp that women = people. I got that! It’s not even difficult! What the fuck?
Now that I think of it though, this seems to be a fairly widespread blind-spot among men, this inability to see things from a woman’s perspective. Or maybe it was just among my group of former male friends. Here’s a conversation that happened once:
Friend: “Dude, you need a girlfriend.”
Friend: “I don’t know. You need someone to be with you or something. You spend too much time alone.”
Me: “Riiight… but I mean, what exactly does this ‘girlfriend’ get out of the deal?”
Friend: “… what?”
This was immediately followed by a change in subject. And while I appreciated having a friend who was at least slightly concerned about my needs, it is downright monstrous for him to totally fail to consider the utter hell to which he was so blithely condemning another person. Because of course he wasn’t thinking of a person. He was thinking of some mythical creature with no agency or needs of her own. Like if he’d said I need a car or a microwave. Nobody asks what’s in it for the microwave, and they would think it strange if someone did.
It’s fucking gross and it makes me sick.
I did try to talk to my male friends about this kind of stuff, but they never seemed to listen to me, either. Possibly because I am a short, weak, ugly, asexual hermit — which is pretty much a collection of all of the traits you could have if you want to not be taken seriously by men except for, you know, actually being a woman.
Like, for example, I remember suggesting to a friend that straight women aren’t really all that attracted to men. Or rather, that 99.99% of all guys aren’t very attractive to women. Using Hitchhikers’ Guide to the Galaxy logic, 0.01% is as close to zero as makes no odds and so, if we’re rounding, then no man is really all that attractive to women, QED. My friend called me crazy. Perhaps he felt it was a blow to his ego, but if it was I was trying to soften it. I mean yes, friend, you and I are about as appealing to the average straight woman as a bucket of cold vomit — but take heart! We are not even close to being alone! But no, instead he was incapable of under standing how on earth it would be possible that a given women wouldn’t want to have sex with him.
I dream of a better, more egalitarian world. I want comfort and safety for the human race. And it’s never going to happen because men make misery, and are unwilling to stop, because we just can’t accept that more than half the human fucking race are in fact human beings.